


What always will be

by hazk



Series: Surviving Students: Fifteen [2]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Recovery, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2018-12-30 03:24:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12099639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazk/pseuds/hazk
Summary: The most tragic event in human history, driven on by despair, and scenes showing how these young adults learned to live with what they had done.





	1. Rebuilding reality

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place after SDR2, leading to DR3 and post-series territory. This is all about recovery while the other part, "Those scattered remnants", takes care of the Despair-side of the story.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Don’t ask me why.”

When the Tragedy had first began, the newly turned Remnants of Despair had been in a hurry to get as far away from Hope’s Peak as possible.

For them, it had all began with silence.

The confusion and excitement they had felt back then had built up to something they might have once considered beautiful, but it has been a while since despair has had that effect on them.

Now all the running and devastation they had spread around the world had been cut short. They woke up overtaken by a different kind of confusion and fear, pain and loss, not understanding for a second what had happened.

Infected by despair, they had been filled with glee to share their newfound devotion with the world – only to now have it all be turned around. And just like that, their last shreds of innocence were gone.

There was nothing they could do but scream.

Owari Akane, Kuzuryuu Fuyuhiko, Sonia Nevermind, Souda Kazuichi and him, they had awakened in a world they had once belonged in, a world which immediately let them know it didn’t want them back.

Not that they wanted to be back either; not with their minds and bodies screaming as memories clashed in a way that had them feel like they were burning from the inside out.

The forced shutdown of the Neo World Program had left them with shattered emotions of friendship, love, fear and loss that mixed in with the memories of every action they had committed throughout the years of despair. These newfound emotions didn’t replace their old memories in any way, but instead filled their minds with images that didn’t quite match.

Or rather, the new visual matched just a little too well.

The glee felt from what they had caused in their despair-filled rampage was suddenly painted with pain, the blood in their hands no longer making them laugh as their memories of themselves began to cry at seeing the mangled bodies of their loved ones sprawled at their feet.

Back then, the tears had been from the bliss of delightful despair, but now the memories were being rewritten by emotion they had long since forgotten existed.

Being given control over their own minds again wasn’t a kind gift. The impact was for them to shatter, leaving Naegi, Kirigiri and Togami unable to do anything but watch and lock them away until they could actually speak with the five survivors, victims, masterminds, Remnants.

And they truly were Remnants now, representing everything that was left of the students they had once been both in and outside of the simulation. But none of the other four awake shattered quite as violently as Kamukura Izuru, who had never truly been one of them to begin with.

Hinata Hajime, after all, had been dead for years. The rebuilding of him, based on the files he had given Naegi in helping him create the made-up world along with whatever shards had been left in Kamukura's mind, hadn’t been anywhere near intact either.

That simulation of “Hinata” had been a simple recreation of someone Kamukura had been curious to see - or, someone he had wanted to be seen as by the others. “Hinata” had been the only version available, to allow Kamukura to participate in the Neo World Program and witness Enoshima's meticulously planned influence.

Someone other than Kamukura Izuru – _the emotions of someone who wasn’t Kamukura Izuru_ – turned out to be a powerful thing. It cracked through his very being and his artificial calmness, the shutdown of the program nowhere near enough to erase "Hinata" all over again.

Kamukura was impressed, he had to admit.

"Hinata's" shattered emotions had no trouble matching in with the years’ worth of boredom Kamukura had spent his time dwelling in, ever since he had first been abandoned in the dark. This someone who had felt so strongly about so many things began to immediately rebuild and reimagine Kamukura's very existence and what it _meant to be_. 

So very suddenly, upon first opening his eyes, Kamukura had been filled with immense pain as his brain had been about to give out under the pressure.

The said pain had been familiar enough, though; yet another rewrite.

Wouldn’t it be a better option, to cease to be, Kamukura had thought in an uncharacteristic moment of loss and immediately shuddered. He had felt the lingering fear "Hinata" had connected to the idea of his ending existence inside the simulation, as at least that much was there for Kamukura to still remember.

Dying wasn’t the answer to the lesson they had learned. Nothing could be gained from turning away now.

The only thing Kamukura could do was work towards matching, slowly yet surely, the newfound emotions and memories of his actions -  _or inactions -_  as Despair. He had to witness the horrors he had committed and then overwrite them with the feelings of regret and the need to live on despite it all.

He deserved to remember this hurt, years’ worth of uncaring glances at bloodshed suddenly hitting him with the full understanding of what he had done and helped drive onward. 

No matter how hard it was - _no matter how his brain kept screaming at him to stop and how he could hear the other Remnants cry out in fear and an all new flavour of despair_ \- there was no giving in.

There was nothing beautiful or worthy in the state they were now in. This despair wasn’t the same as the infection Enoshima had spread across the globe.

The Remnants weren’t here to die from it and they weren’t here to suffer for the sake of torture either. No, Naegi’s team had wanted to save them instead of allowing anyone to give up.

For what it was worth, they needed to wake up and face the reality of their own creation. There were no answer to be found to any of his questions unless Kamukura went to search for them himself, no longer looking from the sidelines as others died for their devotions.

And if Kamukura – _Hinata_ – was now filled with more than a simple enough need to fill a blank with chaos, he wanted to see what he could do with this new type of curiosity. He wanted to see how far he could go, the unpredictability and strength of hope having truly been shown to him. He could no longer imagine an ending built on despair, willing to do anything to not let it happen.

The pain they had awakened to was all about acceptance. It wasn’t meant to make them dull – it was there as a stepping stone for their return. And while Kamukura thought he must have heard those words somewhere before, he finally turned to face Naegi Makoto.

 

* * *

 

Kamukura remembered Naegi from the broadcast of Killing School Life and his,  _gained,_  title as the Ultimate Hope. Days after waking up and allowing his mind to run in circles, it was about time for Kamukura to allow the other's attempt to address him directly for the very first time.

This was Kamukura choosing to leave behind a life he no longer wanted. Saying goodbye to it was another form of waking up, he supposed.

And Naegi seemed to understand well enough, his words simple and carrying a sentiment which Kamukura, and the rest of the world having watched him, remembered all too well:

“It’s not easy, moving forward and carrying everything that’s happened, all those people, with you. I… I’m not saying what I’ve been through is in any way comparable to, um, your _experiences_ , but… It's not an easy path to take, either way.”

Kamukura tilted his head, taking in the careful way Naegi attempted to find words while standing by his side. He then turned his blank gaze back at the wall.

The room was empty except for the bed, the dullness of it reminding him of the ship they had arrived to Jabberwock Island on. It was probably this way as a form of safety, ensuring that the Remnants – a name which Naegi refused to call them by – couldn’t hurt themselves or each other, with the doors finally opened to allow the three from the Future Foundation to visit them.

“You want us to live.”

Kamukura’s statement was as simple as Naegi’s had been, just shorter. The older of the two had always been uninterested in coming up with words, but it was more difficult now that there was actual emotion threatening to slip through them and be heard by whoever might be listening.

Naegi noticed, letting out a sigh.

“I don’t want you to die, sure. There’s been… enough of that.”

“Are there logs of the simulation?” Kamukura asked, his eyes sharp as he turned back to the other. Naegi didn’t shrink under his gaze. “Can we see them?”

Naegi bit his lip, careful still, and nodded. “What we recorded, yes… Parts of it. It would probably… _help_ , if you could connect what you are experiencing now with what actually happened to cause it.” Naegi paused, for a second studying Kamukura’s blank expression before continuing:

“It doesn’t mean you can ever actually remember something that was deleted -”, like the life of Hinata Hajime, Kamukura heard Naegi say even without the specific words there, “- or what you… did, in the simulation. But knowing the basics could be good!”

“Basics… Of how we used to be and can be, if we tried.”

Naegi nodded again, offering him a smile. “There is no remembering what wasn’t and no forgetting what was, but… I want you to live. I want _you_ to want to live. For your own sake, not mine. And if getting to see how you were manipulated can help separate who you are from who you thought you were - _who you were made to be_ \- then that has to be worth something?”

Kamukura blinked and clicked his tongue. He thought of the possibility of getting to know more about Hinata, seeing more of the person capable of feeling all these things currently having taken over his mind, and he had to agree with Naegi.

Learning more about the simulation couldn’t break him any further; it could only help him come back together. And he knew there would be two or more pieces there when he makes himself “whole” again, consisting and arranged of both him and what was left of Hinata.

Only once that was done, could he face what was to happen next.

“I can… I can ask the rest of them if they want to come, too, but I know it’s different for you. Unlike them, you lack most of, well, _you_. From before”, Naegi continued apologetically, scratching the back of his neck with a thoughtful look crossing his face. He didn’t know what to think of the Kamukura Project when he still had no real information on it, seeing how Kamukura himself was yet to speak.

“It’s also a fact that Togami, Kirigiri and I can’t stick around for much longer without being compromised", Naegi added, still careful with his words. "So…”

“You need to trust us”, Kamukura said to fill the following silence, his voice nowhere near as cold as he was used to hearing it be. “You need to know what we are planning to do with what you have given us.”

“Well… Yeah.” Naegi smiled then, the look oddly honest and unexpected enough to make Kamukura’s frown a little deeper. “But honestly? I already do. Trust you, I mean.”

Kamukura lifted a brow at that, just slightly, but Naegi simply shrugged. “Don’t ask me why.”

“I wouldn’t”, Kamukura stated and slowly stood up from the edge of his bed, his body still heavy as if made of lead. The long strands of hair, haphazardly tied to the back of his neck, entered his vision as he straightened.

As he felt the weight against his back, his mood dropped even further. He needed to cut it, he couldn’t stand it now.

There was nothing practical to it, no reason for it to be there, he thought with a huff. And getting used to _feeling_ that frustration even at the smallest of things was going to be interesting on its own, Kamukura realised as he followed after Naegi.

He listened as Naegi began to ramble on about something or other, no tension there even with Kamukura's presence right behind him. And that, the realisation that Naegi wasn’t worried about being stabbed in the back, was yet another emotion to add to Kamukura’s growing curiosity for the future; an all new version of excitement.

It wasn't just about being able to see the world rebuild, and ensuring it could.

What Kamukura felt was excitement at seeing what they would become, all of them left, now that they had been saved.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My take on the balance that is Kamukura and Hinata: I refuse to believe that the memories from the Neo World Program came out intact, similarly to how I refuse the idea that “Hinata Hajime”, as we’ve seen him in the game, is the same person as in the beginning and end of DR3. Take that as you will.  
> \--  
> Mistakes are a thing, anything from ooc:ness and grammar to timeline. I’m running through this as I go, and don't have anyone to help me!


	2. Sewing the sleeping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “An oversight.”

“Do you think she’s dead?”

Kuzuryuu’s blank expression was haunting with his one remaining eye dark as he watched over Pekoyama’s still frame. Kamukura tilted his head, barely taking the time to take in the other’s words before walking past him and to the opposite side of the pods, to check the vitals of those in them.

It was difficult; to address the others and accept the fact that he _wanted to_ do exactly that now. But Kamukura – _Hinata_  – knew as much, at least.

With effort he was willing to take, Kamukura paused and turned to look at Kuzuryuu over the pod Pekoyama was in, offering him a smile. It might have looked twisted, it must have, but it was a look the five of them had shared ever since waking up.

They were in pain, their minds still screaming as despair continued to claw at their lungs. They could only try their best to shake it off and move forward to whatever came next.

Everything was twisted. It needed to be.

Kuzuryuu let out a sigh and, with difficulty, his gaze flickered away from Pekoyama. He looked up at Kamukura questioningly, as if still waiting for an actual reply.

“They are still breathing”, Kamukura said, his smile steady.

 

* * *

 

He knew it was partially because of the mixed emotions he was interested in studying to see just who he was, but it didn’t change the fact that Kamukura found this specific memory amusing. Meanwhile, Hinata was simply embarrassed by it - even if he wasn’t all too sure _why_ that was.

After spending a few days going through the simulation logs with Naegi, Kamukura had asked for his help.

It had been a simple thing, but Kamukura wasn't stupid and he certainly hadn't been desperate enough to endanger his position with no sharp objects readily available. Asking someone else to go get them, and do it for him, had been the obvious choice. 

Naegi had agreed, after Kamukura had ensured him that he really couldn’t care less about what his hair would look like after being cut. As long as it was short, the criteria for functionality were fulfilled.

But Naegi had still been careful with the long strands, and the spikes the operation left behind weren’t all that different from the style Kamukura connected to his mental image of Hinata.

Now, looking in the mirror and with his mismatched eyes staring back, Kamukura appreciated the result.

The fringe still covered most of the scars on his forehead, or at least made the metallic implants less likely to be the first to catch your attention when you looked at him. There was something vain in that idea, he spend a moment thinking.

For the first time, as he was, Kamukura realised he was capable of feeling bothered by the way he looked. The gaze of his eyes was not nearly as blank as he remembered it to have once been, and he couldn't stop studying the way his expression shifted as he continued to look over his reflection.

Kamukura found himself feeling glad, over Naegi not having completely ruined his hair.

 

* * *

 

After Naegi had left them deal with the supplies available at Jabberwock Island, the oddest thing for Kamukura to get used to was the way the other four Ultimates always paused when they saw him. It took them a second to register him, and there was a brief flicker of recognition that didn’t quite match what they might have known of him before the simulation.

During the Tragedy, Kamukura had never taken the time to see most of the Remnants for himself as he followed their work from the sidelines. Because of that, to them, he was still a shadow Enoshima had left behind; one they had seen in video footage and without ever quite understanding just who he was.

The moment he had contacted them only to tell them to turn themselves in to the Future Foundation, they had done exactly that. It was as if his hold on them had been programmed in, and Kamukura could see that being true enough of an assessment.

But now, thankfully, the control was no longer there. The Ultimates looked at him with those brief moments of confusion and then did what he asked simply because they _wanted_ to help those in their comatose states.

From what they had discussed, Kamukura knew they connected his face to whatever emotions they had had towards Hinata in the Neo World Program, feeling like he was trustworthy even without the definite memories to go along with the idea. Some of them had flashes – like Souda saying he and Hinata used to hang out quite a bit and Kuzuryuu knowing Hinata had helped them to the best of his ability, especially during the trials – but other than that they were not basing their interactions with Kamukura on something that had never been.

It was fine, Kamukura thought, as he wouldn’t want to steal those bonds from Hinata either. He wanted to see these new relationships building for himself, and he knew the trust would need to be re-imagined in a way that better matched where they all stood now. And that will take effort.

In the back of his head, though, Kamukura felt disappointment as well. He knew it would never be the same and that some scars would always affect the way he came to interact with the others.

And then, of course, there was the other side to it as well. The one that focused more on his own self-image than what the others might see him as.

The part of his mind that was now completely reserved for Hinata didn’t like the idea of pretending in any kind of way. What that meant was for them to find a balance in which the two sides, the one seeking human interactions and the one who found himself only annoyed by it in the end, could get as close as possible to who they were supposed to be.

A part of the problem was the name they went by.

 

* * *

 

“Hinata, what do you think?” Souda asked, pointing at the controller he had been building. “Should make things easier for you, right?”

Kamukura nodded, glancing at the other's work before reaching to turn the monitor so that it was easier to see what was happening in the other room. Even with Kuzuryuu personally keeping watch over the sleeping Ultimates, Kamukura also had to do his part. “Thank you.”

“No problem!” Souda replied with a grin that was shadowed by the relief crossing, _twisting_ , his features. As long as they were working, they could forget everything else. “It’s good, isn’t it? Further automating the security on the life support…”

“Yes”, Kamukura said with another nod of his head. “Although, it makes me wonder just how unprepared the Future Foundation was for anything like this ever happening.”

Souda shrugged. “Well, you know, I don’t think their first guess was to have a malicious AI causing the avatars of the users to… _fight_ each another, then leaving them in a, uh, long-term coma…”

Kamukura hummed under his breath, studying the brain scans and searching the graphs for any changes from the weeks they had already been here and waiting. “Seeing who they were dealing with, I consider it an oversight.”

“Sure…” Souda said and glanced at him. “Naegi and the others were in a hurry, though. Like, he actually wasn’t under anyone’s orders to help us out, so, I don’t think he was thinking clearly.”

“An oversight”, Kamukura repeated and piled the papers, arranging them neatly on the desk. He then turned to Souda. “We almost released Enoshima back to the world, and it was so much easier than it ever should have been.”

Souda frowned, uncomfortably glancing at the monitor which showed them the pods. As always, they illuminated the darkened room with their green hue, lacking life. “Still… Didn’t happen.”

“No”, Kamukura said with a sigh and smiled. “And with that outcome… I am thankful, I suppose. At least we are no longer out there causing further damage and, instead, with a chance for something… better. For everyone.”

Souda nodded and bit his lip, almost drawing blood as he did. After wringing his arms for a second, he reached for the controller and continued to play with the settings.

“Right.”

 

* * *

 

Their routines were simple because there wasn’t much for them to do.

With Owari’s help, Souda and Sonia had been reconstructing the leftovers of Jabberwock to the best of their ability. Naegi hadn’t had the resources for a complete re-haul when he had first arrived with his project, but the island wasn’t in too bad of a shape either.

Most of the island's structures were exactly what they had been in the simulation, which left the Ultimates feeling fuzzy whenever they looked around and studied the flashes of peaceful days never spend here.

While the other three made the island habitable again, Kuzuryuu had been mostly left in charge of keeping an eye on those asleep. When Kamukura wasn't busy with them as well, he used his talents on whatever else needed to be done.

Kamukura didn’t exactly feel like he was overworking himself as he filled time with actions just to keep everything moving onward. But his friends – _friends?_ – modified his routine as they went, taking over more and more of his duties with help of their own even without him ever asking for it.

He didn’t complain, the shifts a relief that managed to make him more and more comfortable with the idea that he belonged with the others. They didn’t want him to leave and they didn’t feel like he was an outsider, even when the rest of them had belonged to the same class at least.

Kamukura wondered, every now and then, how big part of him was doing what he did to make himself appear needed and feel worthy among the Ultimates, now that some of Hinata’s insecurities had been reawakened by the simulation. And there was no denying the other part of him either, the one finally able to fill the role he had once been made for.

It’s not that Kamukura believed in his _given_ title of “Ultimate Hope”, or in multiple talents being the key to reaching that level of importance, but being able to use what he had for something other than despair was enough to dull down the headaches he had had for as long as he could remember. It was as if he was no longer fighting against something that had been a setting in his very being.

That too made sense, Kamukura thought with a huff.

There were still so many artificial pieces to address and put in order before he could have any actual control of his own future.

 

* * *

 

It became a habit for the other four to end up spending their evenings with him, in the office Kamukura had reserved for his many projects. He didn’t complain about their presence and it was nice to hear them capable of reaching almost cheerful notes as they talked.

Kamukura was building a habit of his own to participate in these discussion, practicing the easy-going chatter just like everyone else. It took time, for all of them, to get comfortable without the tint of uncontrolled despair hiding behind every word, like a lie waiting to shatter their reality all over again.

“Why can’t Hanamura _wake up already!!_ ” Owari yelled and interrupted whatever Souda had been saying. “This sucks!”

Sonia looked almost impressed. “I have never heard you complain about the taste of the food we have.”

“Not complainin’, just need someone to _make more!_ ” Owari explained and turned to Kamukura. “You don’t have a hidden talent, do ya’?”

Kamukura hummed and looked away from the monitor for a second to offer Owari his apology. “Plenty… But not that of massive-scale cooking. Sorry.”

“Damn it! Kuzuryuu never makes enough!”

“Fucker…” Kuzuryuu mumbled and crossed his arms. “Not my problem.”

“Hey!” Souda looked between the others. “You completely missed the point!”

“Yeah?” Owari yawned. “Great.”

“…No, it isn’t”, Souda said and turned to Sonia. “How long are we going to wait here for? What if, I don’t know, that Naegi guy never gets back in touch…? We won't get more resources!”

“There is plenty here, as long as we keep working towards making it sustainable”, Sonia replied as she offered Owari a smile. “We will learn to use them for better food-solutions as well, I am certain!”

Owari nodded eagerly in appreciation and Kuzuryuu snorted. “And that’s the other thing; we are going to be here for as long as it takes, no matter what.”

Everyone fell quiet for a second and then Souda let out a chuckle. “Yeah… I didn’t mean to… You know.”

The rest of them nodded, only Kamukura tilting his head ever so slightly as he listened on.

“You did not, and we do know”, Sonia smoothly said. “There is no changing our circumstances and, with or without Naegi’s help, this will be difficult.”

“Sure. It would have been way easier if we had never woken up, and that’s… That’s the point”, Souda said, his frown deep. Kuzuryuu let out a sigh at the specific subject being brought up all over again.

There was a lot that needed to be worked out, and there was no forgetting about any of it either.

“Giving up would be easy, yes”, was Sonia’s reply as she turned her steady gaze at the mechanic. “There is nothing righteous in not facing the terrors we have inflicted upon this very world we live in!”

“We don’t deserve to be free of it, you mean”, Souda said with a hollow laugh. Kamukura looked between them, taking in Sonia’s softening eyes as she glanced down at her hands.

“We deserve this”, Kamukura said in the following moment of silence, his voice quiet as he turned away with a smile Sonia caught with surprise in her eyes. “The others, they deserve to wake up. And from there… we will see. I decline the possibility that this is it.”

“Ah…” Sonia’s own smile was small as she played with the strands of her hair, the uneven cut yet to be fixed. “We will fight, yes.”

 


	3. From us to them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You aren’t good at this, are you…”

When the others first began to wake up, he had made a very simple decision.

“Ah… Kamukura Izuru…?”

Smiling at the last of them to look up in wonder, he offered them his hand.

“No… You're Hinata, aren’t you?”

Some of the Ultimates had questioningly addressed him as Hinata, straight with a flash from the simulation. Only a few familiar enough with Kamukura had used that name instead, but even they had been quick to backpedal at hearing it sound all wrong in their ears.

Seeing that, and having the four he had been with since waking up only use one of the names from the start, Hinata had willed himself to accept it by heart.

He was still Kamukura and he wasn’t denying that, just like he knew more than well that Hinata was the name of someone long dead. But one of those names was still connected to something closer to comforting while the other had been given to him by people who hadn’t taken to their responsibility to see everything through.

Kamukura Izuru had introduced himself as Hinata Hajime to each and every one of them as they woke up, and with each introduction he felt closer and closer to the balance of those two not being a lie.

“I am both.”

With the last of the green pods having now turned itself off and Komaeda looking up at him with that all too tired smile, Hinata was met with a sense of relief unlike anything he had ever felt before.

 

* * *

 

Those who had died inside the Neo World Program were closer connected to their avatars’ experiences due to the shock it had made their minds and bodies go though. That is also why it took so long for the Alter Egos to get to some of them, breaking though their defences.

While the five “survivors” had first woken up in immense pain, the others met reality with confused relief and numb ache overshadowed only by their their bodies’ desperate need to go straight back to sleep.

Not only did they have no memory of the simulation, but parts of their despair-infused years had also been taken due to the state their psyches had been in. This had left their old personalities not completely mangled, for a little while longer at least.

In a way, Hinata saw it to show that Naegi’s plan to rebuild them without Enoshima’s brainwashing had almost worked as it was, even without the avatars never being uploaded back into the minds they had been based off of. It bought them some time.

As the days passed for each of the ten who had previously died, their bodies began to weaken further when memories returned to them in steady waves. This caused immense pain, but also allowed the others to be there in preparation and support them through their crashes, states of pure panic and fear.

Recovery isn’t something that happens in an instant, and there isn’t a definite state of success to it either.

With that a fact each of them were getting used to in their own ways, Komaeda being the last to return to them and choosing to immediately hide away was something Hinata was having a hard time addressing. Especially with Komaeda's explanation that he wasn't completely himself yet and needed a moment, it was a concern.

Hiding the scars was something they all did; Kuzuryuu had already learned to avoid mirroring surfaces, not caring for the eye batch that would always be there to remind him of so many things at once. Likewise, Komaeda not wanting to see the others wasn't an unique reaction to coping with the shock, but there was a difference there.

Hinata had thought then, while assessing Komaeda's condition and waiting for his sudden silence to break, that he really wasn’t the only outsider of the group. While he had been taken in based on emotions both unreal and rebuild, there was no way the same would just miraculously happen with Komaeda unless he somehow allowed the chance for it.

While no one remembered the simulation itself and had only studied through the specific bits of the logs Hinata had been given access to, the emotions connected to each of their classmates were still there and mixing in with their school memories. The way Pekoyama and Koizumi had faced one another in silence - and the way Tanaka’s first instinct was to walk up to Nidai - was proof of that.

And while Hinata found Komaeda’s discomfort the most apparent due to having to spend most of his time looking over him now, there was no way he was the only one feeling the way he did. It would be difficult for the others to trust him when he finally showed his face, the very opposite way to how they seemed to deal with Hinata in favour of whatever they might have once thought of Kamukura.

Social skills weren’t a strength Kamukura had been either blessed or cursed with, and Hinata’s added in doubts didn’t make him any better at it either.

But with nothing else to be done, and everyone’s ability to keep on living something Hinata had taken to heart even without no longer being in charge of literally keeping them breathing, he was quick to just get over it and actually approach Komaeda in his makeshift hospital room.

 

* * *

 

“I have talked with Togami, the Imposter, and he mentioned the same. He also said he has already tried to come see you…”

Komaeda tapped his finger against frame of the bed and lifted a brow at Hinata. He had attempted to act casual ever since Hinata had, quite literally, cornered him in his room.

“He did, and I do get the rest as well; but, it hardly has anything to do with me! Neither despair nor the simulation must have done me any ‘favours’ in their eyes, _sure_ , but if you think I want to, all of a sudden, be seen as something more than exactly what I am, you are wrong.”

Hinata sighed and felt the need to walk out get stronger by the second. The part of him uninterested in fighting someone else’s convictions was very eager to just allow the others try if they so wished to.

But the part of him capable of telling they would be even less likely than him to succeed is what made him stay.

“You can say that… But I know you are the one who is wrong.”

Komaeda practically snarled at him then, the sudden shift cracking the façade of calm and cheer he had so determinately been keeping up for as long as Hinata had known him – which wasn’t long at all.

Ever since Komaeda had woken up, his subconscious had been fighting the many roles he had set for himself on multiple plains of existence and brainwash. It made sense for him to be confused as he worked it out, and there was nothing inherently wrong with it either.

But the danger of allowing him to stay where he had found himself at, denying the changes in his life and what he might think of the dream he had had after the simulation, was one Hinata could not just allow him to get lost in.

“Then tell me! Refute my own believes! I would truly love to hear you do so, see Kamukura’s talents in full use!” Komaeda stated with a twisted grin on his face. His back straightened against the frame of the bed and, even with the forcefully carefree note back in his voice, his eyes were slits as he stared at Hinata. 

Hinata’s own stance didn’t falter and he simply tilted his head in affirmation of that being exactly what he was intending to do; throw Komaeda’s act down the drain. As with the Alter Ego that had once been programmed to destroy his dream, Hinata would have to wait until afterwards to see if this was the right way to do it:

“You are tired.”

Komaeda’s eye twitched and he immediately leaned back, a brief flash of disappointment making his expression soften.

“That’s your analysis?”

“It can mean many things”, Hinata continued, not paying the other too much attention as he turned to gaze at the wall. His voice was monotone as he continued: “In this case, you are tired of being wrong all the time.”

“…What? Wait”, Komaeda paused, his growing annoyance apparent in the way his lip twitched next. “You aren’t good at this, are you…”

“You were expecting a trial? For me to state out the facts and leave you drowning in them?” Hinata asked and broke into a small smile as he turned back to Komaeda. “I could do that, it would be so much _easier_ ”, he said and his voice dropped to an exasperated note at the final word. “But I won’t. So yes, you are correct. I am not good at this.”

“Disappointing”, Komaeda replied and his eyes dropped back at the table with a scowl. “ _You_ are so disappointing, now that I can actually see you.”

“I know that as well”, Hinata hummed and stopped his right hand just in time before he could reach up to touch the implants on his forehead. “But I am not here to give you what you want.”

“What I want, huh…?” Komaeda chuckled then, a shadow crossing his features. “You won’t bother with _entertaining_ me? I was expecting as much, of course, but that isn’t the issue… Seeing the absolute hope and ultimate despair be the way you are…”

“You hate looking at me and you don’t even know why”, Hinata went on to say, and made Komaeda snort with his assessment.

“I think I know well enough _why_ , and it’s exactly as I just said. But I have a feeling you will be telling me I am wrong about that as well?”

“I am, yes.” Hinata crossed his arms and Komaeda glared at him now, although his smile didn’t falter. “I won’t deny your problem with the hope-despair debate in relation to who I am, because I more than agree with you. In that we are the same; I was never on one side more than the other but, no matter what I did and what the reasons might have been, the consequences still caused irreversible damage.”

Komaeda scoffed but didn’t say anything to that. It was true enough. Instead, he went on to ask with a little curiosity lost in his voice: “Then, why do I hate you now?”

There was a small, challenging smirk still stuck to his face and Hinata returned it in a way so smooth he surprised even himself with the gesture feeling almost natural.

“You hate me because you are unable to understand why you _don’t_ , especially when knowing how much sense what you just said about why you _should_ makes. Everyone around here has similar issues, with their new emotions not seeming to match with what they think they know.”

Komaeda’s smile faltered and he seemed to curl into himself just a little before letting out a loud laugh.

“How cryptid!”

 

* * *

 

“Thank you.”

Hinata didn’t say anything at first as he simply watched Komaeda move his new left hand, testing out the pressure and the jerky movements that made his eyes widen to witness. The expression adorning his face was that of shock and wonder, not covering for the apparent dislike he managed to show as well.

The hand was going to be a permanent reminder; just like that of Kuzuryuu’s missing eye and Hinata’s own scars, barely hidden by his hairline even on the best of days.

“You are welcome”, Hinata said after a moment longer and hummed thoughtfully under his breath as Komaeda tried to pick up a pencil from the desk next to his bed and failed. It would take a while for him to get used to his new limb, and there would always be sides to it that simply wouldn’t work out as planned.

Improvements on the purely mechanical issues were something Hinata was already planning on.

“Remember to thank Souda as well, he did most of the actual work.”

“Ah, I will…” Komaeda replied with a small, fake, smile as he seemed to think of just how to address the mechanic later - for many reasons. His eyes flickered up to Hinata. “You have been busy, I hate to think you had to waste your time on –“

“We are all just as deserving of each other’s attention. But if you really are thankful, there is a lot of work to be done. Once you get comfortable with that hand of yours –“, Hinata nodded towards the limb, the fingers of which were whirring softly as Komaeda tried to once more pick up the pencil Hinata had told him to try his motor skills on, “– everyone will be expecting you to join in.”

Komaeda nodded and let out a soft sigh. There was a lot holding him back still, and the package of him not quite even knowing how he had ended up here was obvious.

Hinata thought back to his own beginning, here on Jabberwock Island, and knew this was going to be something very different from his experiences. It was different for everyone, of course, but allowing Komaeda’s understanding of even his own actions to set in will be complicated for multiple reasons.

The others already knew as much as they were willing to take in, but this was the last step to really put them all on the same page regarding the matter of their treatment of one another.

“And…” Hinata continued after a moment of nothing but the sound of the mechanical whirring, which immediately paused at his words. “I need to ask.”

“Yes?” Komaeda prompted, turning to him and with a curious spark managing to appear in his eyes.

Hinata smiled, and for the first of the ten times he had done this he noticed a nervous pull to his lip as he spoke:

“Do you want to go through the simulation logs with me?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As with Makoto and Izuru, acceptance begins with a very odd sense of understanding.


	4. Hold the hand which

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Are you trying to insult me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I had no time to finish NDR3 until last week and, as I promised myself no writing for the series until I did, that’s the reason for the long delay… 
> 
> As with “Those scattered remnants”, there are more scenes I might post as oneshots! Let me know if you’re interested to read more, or have prompts for me to work with?

“It’s… nice.”

“Small pleasures, or blessings, people call them? Something unremarkably normal to break through to you, with a flicker of light entering past the bad that has otherwise overtaken one’s life”, Sonia replied with a smile so simple yet impossibly bright that Hinata had to allow the corners of his lips to follow in suit.

Sonia’s hair had finally been tidied, cut short and stylised to her chin by Hinata who had found himself with surprising, or not, skills as a barber.

He was glad to have been able to help her, after everything Sonia had done for him return. It was a balancing act, all of them on the same side and equals now, she had said when Hinata had thanked her for the very first time; the words odd on his tongue and her understanding smile a show of absolute kindness that should have been impossible to them, after everything.

Yet, even with the pain and the days when there was nothing for them but the downfall, the smiles always managed to find their way back to their faces. Just like the sight before them now, those smiles were a splash of colour that kept them going for another day.

With the two of them leaning against the railing and on their way back to Jabberwock Island with Mitarai Ryota as one of them, and the full weight of Despair forever theirs to carry, they were overtaken by that familiar sense of relief. On the horizon, they watched the small rainbow break its way through the dark, reddish sky still visibly damaged by pollution and thick pillars of smoke.

Hinata hummed under his breath, taking in the sight of the soft colours fighting their way through and committing it to memory. It was then that he realised what bothered him about the scene, making him automatically say what was on his mind only to pause midsentence:

“I don’t know if I've ever even seen a –“

Sonia glanced at Hinata at his unexpectedly silenced words, studying the way his brow furrowed for a brief second as he tapped at the railing. They had talked about this before, of course, with all of their group having so much in their minds and Hinata having been left in the middle of it all with so _very little_.

Hinata always tried to be there for all of them, but there was no denying that he was the one most confused when Despair had fallen apart. Kamukura had been a blank slate, and it was with distaste he wondered if he should be jealous of his company who was now burned by the memories of killing their families – and worse.

It wasn’t fair to think like that, he knew, but even fairness was a concept he still had a lot to learn of.

“I think…”

Sonia’s words were soft, and only spoken once it had become clear that Hinata’s brain had come to a complete standstill with him trying to dig through un-existing memories of rainbows.

“I think there are a lot of sights like these in our future”, Sonia continued and gazed up at the skies. “Nature will run its course, to fix the damage we have caused. Small moments like these, continuing to build up… They will remake our reality.”

“Hmm…”

Considering her words, Hinata’s smile grew a little wider than necessary – still unnatural on his face, but overly honest at the same time. He then nodded.

“Reminders of nothing having ended yet, huh.”

 

* * *

 

_“How are you holding up?”_

“Naegi…”

_“Yes?”_

“You don’t have to call me all the time, there isn’t much that could have changed since last week anyway.”

There was a chuckle on the other end of the line, a careful acknowledgement of Hinata’s words as well as his boldness. _“Maybe I am not calling for your sake, then…”_

“Right.”

Hinata had a lot to learn when it came to controlling his many abilities. Sometimes – _or always, perhaps_ – they made it difficult for him to focus on the sentiments of others, making it hard to understand what they truly wanted him to hear instead of him pointing out what they were hiding, for example.

That is to say that the mix of analytics and Hinata's way of seeing human nature was still more than enough to explain Naegi’s situation.

“You are the one with a lot on your plate, not us.”

Another small chuckle, but more relieved this time. Naegi seemed glad to have been understood so easily, a hand held on the back of his neck and the stance making him appear even younger than he was.

_“Everything’s a mess…”_

“Nothing clears out overnight.”

 _“Of course not!”_ Naegi sounded offended at the implication, but Hinata couldn’t help but to feel amused by the expression crossing the other’s face when he went on to say: _“I am not that naïve!”_

“But you are lucky”, Hinata said and the corner of his lip twitched at the overly familiar word. He leaned against the palm of his hand as the screen flickered, distorting Naegi’s features on their video call. “And alive.”

 _“So are you”_ , Naegi replied and the footage steadied itself for long enough to show Hinata the younger man’s now serious expression, _“and there is a lot of work to do. For all of us.”_

“Yes. Which is exactly why you needed a distraction and called me, right?” It was Hinata’s turn to let out a chuckle, to which Naegi replied with a smile that broke through his previously stoic expression.

_“Everyone needs a break every now and then, and I happen to have a very limited number of contacts that aren’t a part of the Future Foundation…”_

“Well… I can see why the Ultimate Despair is the second best option there, when compared to the kinds of Togami”, Hinata said with a shrug of his shoulder, the movement uncomfortable but not because of the unfamiliarity it might have once held.

On the other end of the call, Naegi seemed almost appreciative of Hinata’s attempt at humour, although the name of the organisation that had caused everything didn’t exactly cheer him up either.

 _“But you’re not bothered by me, are you? I don’t want it to seem like I’m… babysitting you, or something”_ , Naegi said after a pause.

Hinata shook his head.

“I'm not. And I appreciate it, really. Just as you said, everyone needs a break. But, in my case, it is from something a little less critical.”

_“Your friends keeping you busy, then?”_

“Something like that”, Hinata replied with a laugh. “Rebuilding an island isn’t exactly easy, especially not with so many… clashing personalities.”

Naegi grinned at him and nodded his head in full understanding, and Hinata knew he wasn’t exaggerating with that. _“Not much room for rational floor planning?”_

Hinata sighed. “It is a challenge”, he simply said.

 

* * *

 

“Who do you think I am?”

“In what sense are you asking?” Komaeda frowned, lifting a brow at Hinata’s contemplative look. “And, more importantly, why are you asking _me?”_

“Because I don’t think anyone else would give me a straight answer at this point”, Hinata replied to the latter question and then thought a little more on how to address the former.

Komaeda waited. They stood on the beach and he was a few feet in front of Hinata, watching the sea – there weren’t many other views to focus on the island, so these types of meetings were the usual for all sixteen of its residents.

“I don’t agree with the way Hope’s Peak dealt with its students, obviously”, Hinata finally said and scratched the back of his neck. Komaeda glanced back at him again.

“The titles, or just you…?”

“All of it”, Hinata replied with a huff. “Is it possible to create individuals capable of saving the world, when they are moulded by a name and singular skill? Even the school itself said _no_ to that, which led to using an outsider, to make me their ‘Hope’.

“Selecting the special few and separating them from the reality outside school walls… It wouldn't make the students able to heal what they don’t even understand.”

Komaeda shrugged, not too interested in the many dilemmas Hinata found himself dwelling on to pass the days. “So… You are asking, if not Hope, what are you supposed to be among the Ultimates?”

“…where did you get that?” Hinata asked, frowning now as he thought back on what he had previously said, each word passing by with speed.

“Then what?” Komaeda turned to him more properly this time and tilted his head in annoyance, which Hinata picked up on. “I might be missing your point. And, I think, it’s Naegi you should give your speech to before he finalises whatever plans he has for the future of Hope’s Peak…”

“I have and I will”, Hinata said and began to walk down the beach, leaving Komaeda no choice but to follow after if he wanted to hear what Hinata was getting at. “I'm not an Ultimate. And, I'm not Hinata Hajime. On the other hand, Kamukura Izuru is… Well, I'm both of those two, yes, but it would be wrong to say I am them combined or something like that. Hinata is dead and Kamukura is… gone. Anyway, I didn’t ask what I am but who. Just…”

Hinata rand a hand through his short hair and snorted at the way his mind was running blank for once, enjoying the many circles he was able to spend his time pondering on. He then said:

“I feel like… Humans, in general, are determined to know and name their identity? They want to understand themselves and feel complete in their own skin. But there's something _more_ off with that, with me, I think.”

“Uhm…” Komaeda began to look uncomfortable as he glanced at the sea and slowed down in his steps, almost as if waiting for a chance to just slip away again. Hinata knew he wasn't making much sense, but he couldn't help bringing the matter up anyway.

Maybe it was another unfair thing on Hinata’s part, asking Komaeda of all people something so overly personal. But Hinata did feel like Komaeda was the only one who would boldly state an answer, even when Hinata wasn’t quite sure what it was he wanted to hear.

Not that Komaeda could answer anything _for him_ , of course.

“You…” Komaeda appeared to bite his lip as he followed a few paces behind Hinata, the other listening in silence. “Even just asking… That makes you human, then. At least.”

“Ah.” Hinata turned to look in front of him, nodding his head in agreement. It couldn’t be that simple, but the words Komaeda had spoken in annoyance did release something in his chest that he had never even considered.

It was funny in a way, how he had even said as much in his earlier explanation but had never given _himself_ the title. All the other names he had gone through, from the literal to Ultimates, but human?

Just another human among many, facing a world that was, partially, of their own making.

“Thanks”, Hinata said after a moment, the word becoming easier with each time it was said. “I guess that’s as good as it gets.”

“…sure?”

“That said, do you still stick by your own title?” Hinata just had to ask and he could practically hear the way Komaeda grit his teeth at the subject not being dropped.

“Title…”

“You know, _luck_.”

Komaeda snorted, a little unexpectantly maybe, and made Hinata glance his way. Komaeda then said, with a crude smile on his face:

“Not much of that happening anymore, so… No.”

“But the others you still call by their talents, more often than not”, Hinata pointed out as Komaeda nodded, “with me being the obvious exception to that.”

“You are not Hope”, Komaeda simply stated, as he had many times earlier. “But the others… They have talents that make sense and that still work to, well, make this place their own.”

Hinata ignored the choice that was made with the last two words, for now, just to ensure Komaeda kept talking. Instead he snorted, repeating: “ _Thanks_.”

“But…” Komaeda went on to say, earning an almost curious look from Hinata who had more than expected him to be gone by now. “Since hope cannot exist without a level of despair to drive one to it, I suppose your existence as both can be forgiven.”

Komaeda chuckled, weakly so, at his own attempt at something akin to a joke. “Your sacrifice in that is quite something, truly.”

Hinata turned back to watching the waves, still walking forward. The scenery here was colder than it had been in the simulation; at least that much Hinata knew for certain even without the exact memories to go along with the recollection.

“Are you trying to insult me?” Hinata asked, smiling as well as he took in the still clearing skies. Reality was so much more damaged than the exotic view they had had on the inside of the virtual world. It was appropriate, one might think, and there was nothing wrong with that either.

They were beyond done with hiding from what they had done, and forgetting it wasn’t an option; it never should have been, anyway.

“No. Or, I don’t think I am?” was Komaeda’s belated reply as he waved his mechanical hand at Hinata in a dismissive gesture. “We are all Despair, and now we always will be. And it’s fine.”

Komaeda’s expression had shifted into one that was the very opposite of his usually cheerful performances, but he wasn’t attempting to lie to him anymore either, Hinata could tell. With that in mind, Hinata let out a thoughtful hum and accepted the words.

“You are not the only one thinking that… And there are worse things that could have – _should have_ – happened, and still might. It’s just no use thinking on the what-ifs, especially when there are so many of them, right? This very moment is interesting enough.”

“Oh, so you really do think _that?_ ” Komaeda asked, well aware how Hinata's ongoing issues with keeping himself occupied led to these types of conversation in the first place.

“I do. I am… well, enjoying myself, I guess.”

In the end, there weren’t any right answers or definite courses of action they could follow to fix everything that had gone wrong. The chaos of hope; they were left to see it through and assist in whatever way they could, experiencing whatever happiness there was to be found in the process.

With that, Kamukura let out a sigh while Hinata simply continued to smile at the view he had of the open seas and the slowly clearing skies, no longer the deep red they had once been.

 


End file.
